Pain of Love

[SaroLee]

At the corner of your lips you smiled my love
truly this is enough, please smile my love
you make my pulse shiver with happiness
you brought light into my nights
you made me forget my male ego and surrender in front of you
say the words I love you
my love will be always true
and will make sure you never feel blue

 

[Dave]

This suffers the same way the other piece did that you wrote. Abstract language, cliches and dull subject dealt with without originality like a valentines card. Show not tell.