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Leftovers (revision)

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Matty11
Posts: 1788
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Leftovers (revision)

Post by Matty11 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 5:48 am

Revision (a more genre option)

I'm not a talker, kept in solitude,
brought up by gran who liked her quiet.
Words dig an early grave, she'd say.

I found her demons with bloated belliesl
in the churchyard. Heard them sucking
the stumps of her corpse. Took them home.

They never leave, always hungry for chat
and fear. Always sniffing for sweat
with words as moist as gran's goodnight kiss.




Original

I'm not a talker, kept in solitude,
brought up by gran who liked her quiet.
Words dig an early grave, she'd say.

I found her demons nested near the yews
in the churchyard. Heard them nibbling
the stumps of her corpse. Took them home.

They never leave, always hungry for chat,
snuffling close-by, sniffing for sweat
with words as moist as gran's goodnight kiss.
Last edited by Matty11 on Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:39 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2882
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Leftovers

Post by Colm Roe » Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:43 pm

This is a really strange and engaging poem Matty.
Some wonderfully bizarre and creative moments.
Love her quote...I'll borrow that one  :)
but the last line sent shivers down my spine  :shock:
 

Matty11
Posts: 1788
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Leftovers

Post by Matty11 » Tue Oct 16, 2018 12:26 pm

Cheers Colm. Pleased you 'enjoyed' :)

indar
Posts: 3011
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Leftovers

Post by indar » Wed Oct 17, 2018 9:25 am

Took her demons home from the church yard----Indeed. I agree with Colm on the overall feel of this one--haunting and appropriate for this time of year: Dia de los Muertos is a big holiday here in San Diego. 

Love the poem.

Matty11
Posts: 1788
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Leftovers

Post by Matty11 » Wed Oct 17, 2018 2:18 pm

Thanks Indar. Yes, her demons being the key. Dia de los Muertos sounds quite an event.

all the best

Phil

 

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