pressed between the leaves

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:42 am

This is dedicated to my sister and my sister in law

I am told you are dying.
A vice swells around your brain,
squeezes each sense out of its anchor.

Your voice is gone.
What words could survive the pain anyway?
You still have sight to see,
the colours drain to white
and you long since lost a taste for this nonsense.

We survivors retreat too.
Leave you to the morphine.
The nurse closes the curtains
around your weightless shadow
while we steal away memories:

Pink blossoms you pressed
between the leaves of Goodfellow
for the morning of revelation:
There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.

Post by **Tracy Mitchell** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 7:42 am

Very well written, Dave. Grief poems are never easy.
". . . your weightless shadow" is a phrase I remember for a long time.

T

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:24 am

Thanks Tom. Not sure if weightless shadow not nestle in my consciouness from another source. But thanks

Tim J Brennan · Post by **Tim J Brennan** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:57 am

Dave wrote: ↑
Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:42 am
This is dedicated to my sister and my sister in law

I am told you are dying.
A vice swells around your brain,
squeezes each sense out of its anchor.

Your voice is gone.
What words could survive the pain anyway?
You still have sight to see,
the colours drain to white
and you long since lost a taste for this nonsense.

We survivors retreat too.
Leave you to the morphine.
The nurse closes the curtains
around your weightless shadow
while we steal away memories:

Pink blossoms you pressed
between the leaves of Goodfellow
for the morning of revelation:
There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.

This is one of the better poems I've read here.

My only nit: why have one question in the middle of the poem...seems the whole poem might be a question unsaid.

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:34 am

Thanks Tim. I have no particular reason why a question and havevquibbles about changing it to a statement even or perhaps, just perhaps, leaving it out altogether.

Post by **Colm Roe** » Fri Oct 12, 2018 7:29 pm

This is excellent Dave; obviously a poem you have preferred not to write.
Love S2, especially the last line. If it was mine I'd do it this way

Your voice is gone, words
can't survive that pain!
You still have sight to see the colours
drain to white,
and you have long since lost the taste
for this nonsense.

A very emotional poem...even if I didn't know it was real.

Wren Tuatha · Post by **Wren Tuatha** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 3:36 pm

Dave wrote: ↑
Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:42 am
My favorites:

you long since lost a taste for this nonsense. A tell but it carries so much truth!

There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. So [font]relatable[/font] as so many of us carry griefs we do not speak.

Matty11 · Post by **Matty11** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:17 pm

and you long since lost a taste for this nonsense.

Agree with Wren on that line. There is a raw emotional connect there (and the poem for this reader).

best

Phil

Ike · Post by **Ike** » Sat Oct 13, 2018 8:40 pm

Hey Dave,

First off, sorry if you're going through or something has happened recently.
I like the question in the middle, personally. Since their voice is gone its as if the question is directed at N's self as a bit of introspection. The lines "you long since lost a taste for this nonsense. " and "Pink blossoms you pressed between the leaves of Goodfellow" are phonetically tops for me. I see the line "the nurse closes the curtain" as out of place and, as much as it's a key part of the story, it doesn't add as much as an alternative could. Really, really good piece in general though, enjoyed the read,

Ike

The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

For writers and readers of poetry