Something You Didn't Know About Me

[Tim J Brennan]

Very good indeed. I'm new here and just flipping through stuff. This caught my eye and reminded me why a enjoy poetry. 

It's all good, but the detail of the barber is very strong. It reminds us how the normal continues, even in the most extreme cases.

Mark

Mark,

Welcome.  Thank you.  

[Tragopandemonium]

Wow - great work 

"He was tired. His ankles were thinning. 
People he swore he didn’t know wept"

Is effortless and stunning...

"Visiting him that last night 
was like visiting when I was a child:"

Such an enormous observation right there, I could spend a week thinking about this - wonderful

The ending is satisfactory and in keeping with the rest of the poem.  Really strong.  
I don't mind the italics, they are interesting. 

Just a few notes seem out of tune:

- The word nonsense is a sharp break in the flow
- "Lonely" feels a tad maudlin since the rest is so powerfully un-sentimental.  "Lone" instead?
 

[Tim J Brennan]

Wow - great work 

"He was tired. His ankles were thinning. 
People he swore he didn’t know wept"

Is effortless and stunning...

"Visiting him that last night 
was like visiting when I was a child:"

Such an enormous observation right there, I could spend a week thinking about this - wonderful

The ending is satisfactory and in keeping with the rest of the poem.  Really strong.  
I don't mind the italics, they are interesting. 

Just a few notes seem out of tune:

- The word nonsense is a sharp break in the flow
- "Lonely" feels a tad maudlin since the rest is so powerfully un-sentimental.  "Lone" instead?

Thanks for the Look/see.  I think I'll call you Trag or Bill or something and save my fingers all the work.  Welcome.  

I like "lone"....edited.  Also edited "nonsense"...I agree w/you but not sure.  Thanks.