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Hurricane

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
midnightcandle
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:57 pm

Re: Hurricane

Post by midnightcandle » Tue Jan 23, 2018 4:23 am

Beautiful. No nits from me. Love 'the new eleven' line. You are a wonderful poet, Sharon 😎

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Sharon Leigh
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Hurricane

Post by Sharon Leigh » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:19 pm

Thanks so much, Daryl :)

Tim J Brennan

Re: Hurricane

Post by Tim J Brennan » Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:56 pm

"If I could

I'd manipulate the early
April weather: seed cirrus,
nimbus pregnant, full
with dust and promise"

Beautiful, full poem.  I'd look here and see if "manipulate" and "seed cirrus" isn't a shade of redundancy.  When one seeds clouds (for rain) it IS manipulation.  

Tim

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Sharon Leigh
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Hurricane

Post by Sharon Leigh » Tue Jan 23, 2018 9:04 pm

Thanks much, Tim, I hadn't thought of that so I'll consider there. Appreciate your looking in!

Best,
S

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Mark
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Hurricane

Post by Mark » Wed Jan 24, 2018 2:10 am

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Tue Jan 23, 2018 8:56 pm
"
Beautiful, full poem. I'd look here and see if "manipulate" and "seed cirrus" isn't a shade of redundancy. When one seeds clouds (for rain) it IS manipulation.

Tim

Reasonable point - but seeding clouds isn't necessarily the only method of manipulating weather - poetically it could be rain dances or technocratically it could be ELF microwave transmissions a la HAARP. I don't think the shades of that nuance is worth adjusting the composition over.

Tim J Brennan

Re: Hurricane

Post by Tim J Brennan » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:00 am

Well, I guess it would depend on the author's meaning of "seed"....only she would know intention.  Thought it worth mentioning....

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Colm Roe
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Hurricane

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:25 am

Fab poem Sharon, so much to appreciate here...I love the '11 between the brows' line.

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Sharon Leigh
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Hurricane

Post by Sharon Leigh » Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:01 am

Colm, thanks a bunch, & thanks for looking in! :)

Best,
Sharon

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