Ebb and Flow

[Bev]

Ebb and Flow

I flow with life
Unfettered, crystal- clear and flexible
I’m a stream gurgling over pebbles
Reflecting sunbursts and sun sparkles
Then suddenly the sunlight fades and
 my peace ebbs……
a dark shadow pierces my peace
I stumble now, over pebbles which have become
Dark slippery shards of slate
The stream has ebbed, the water pools
Stagnant, no gurgling, no sun sparkles
The flow has become fetid.
My peace has ebbed.
I, wait.
For steady cleansing rain to dislodge me from stagnation
And allow me to swirl and whirl once again and
to flow as life,
 with life.

[indar]

Hi Bev,

I see where the line breaks should have occurred, If you type a poem into another format and copy paste it here it sometimes takes the block form. The little pencil icon will let you go back and edit the breaks back in. It's glitch that can be irritating.

[Bev]

Thanks

[Matty11]

Ebb and Flow

I flow with life
Unfettered, crystal- clear and flexible
I’m a stream gurgling over pebbles
Reflecting sunbursts and sun sparkles
Then suddenly the sunlight fades and
 my peace ebbs……
a dark shadow pierces my peace
I stumble now, over pebbles which have become
Dark slippery shards of slate
The stream has ebbed, the water pools
Stagnant, no gurgling, no sun sparkles
The flow has become fetid.
My peace has ebbed.
I, wait.
For steady cleansing rain to dislodge me from stagnation
And allow me to swirl and whirl once again and
to flow as life,
 with life.

You could try using he/she for distance; drop the end line conjunction since you have and three times in that line; perhaps revisit that overuse of 'sun' too. I like the gurgling.

Cheers

matty