Staff Conference

[Eric Ashford]

Another staff meeting,
there are lizards at the table,
a few goats, an ass.
I know they return to
the fold of a superficial normality
at weekends,
some even rock climb
or enjoy a quiz-night at their local pub,
one builds model ships out of matchsticks,
but here they exist zoologically
on the musky fumes of
their animal instincts.

I consider myself human
but at times my self-image slips
especially when i'm a cog in the machine.
The actual boss is not here
yet his name floats in the ether
as if powered by a constant
airconditioned camel fart.

Drone, drone, drone,
forced laughter.
Intimidation is in the air
it is as thick as hand soap.
The squeakiest wheel pipes up –
kill me now.
We are all expendable and know it.
Even the warthog
at the head of the table.

The warthog glares at me
while his forced grin smacks my face
like an oily rag.
I catch my reflection in a window,
I am turning into a bedside lamp.

Hours later, driving home, body drained;
bottom sore from extreme sitting,
a mad impossible dream.

I want to go back
and beat the warthog over his head
with my 60 watt brain
until he promises never, ever
to speak to me again.

[Dave]

truly wonderful wrting even if the actual experience wasn't. Very funny and disturbing at the same time

[Eric Ashford]

Hi Dave, thanks for the positive feedback on this post. I am pretty sure some folks can relate to this one.
Cheers.

[Marcomando]

“I am pretty sure some folks can relate to this one.”

Yep

[Eric Ashford]

I had fun writing this marc, and yes as a clinician (retired), I loathed time wasted in staff meetings that went nowhere!
Cheers.

[indar]

As a free-lance something-or-other most of my life I never attended a staff meeting but it sure hit home. Guess there are similar situations. I do like the humanizing details of the staffer's personal lives in contrast to the infuriating animal personas around the conference table. That reveals the human qualities of the narrator.

Bottom line: I laughed out loud reading this one-literally.

[Eric Ashford]

Thank you for this kind response Indar, it was written primarily for amusement. I am glad you never had to sit through dull hours of administrative droning drivel, then you are blessed.

[Matty11]

60 watt brain and extreme sitting...fun and serrated.

Typo on I'm

ether rather than air, which you repeat?

enjoyed

Phil

[Eric Ashford]

Thanks Phil. Made the 'ether' change. Good spot.

[TrevorConway]

Hi Eric,

Fascinating stuff. I like the surrealism throughout. Overall, pace-wise, it felt a bit long-winded, like 10-15% could be cut to make the whole feel sharper. 

Anyway, some specifics below. I enjoyed this a lot.

Trev


Another staff meeting,
there are lizards at the table,
a few goats, an ass.
[Delete: I know] they return to
the fold of a superficial normality
at weekends,
some even rock climb
or enjoy a quiz-night at their local pub,
one builds model ships out of matchsticks,
but here they exist [delete: zoologically]
on the musky fumes of
their animal instincts.

I consider myself human
but at times my self-image slips
especially when i'm a cog in the machine. [cliche; any fresher idea?]
The actual boss is not here
yet his name floats in the ether [good observation]
[Delete: as if powered by a constant
airconditioned camel fart.]

[Delete: Drone, drone, drone,
forced laughter.
Intimidation is in the air
it is as thick as hand soap.
The squeakiest wheel pipes up –
kill me now.]
We are all expendable and know it. [Combine verses: "...ether / We are all..."]
Even the warthog
at the head of the table.

[He] glares at me
while his forced grin smacks my face
like an oily rag.
I catch my reflection in a window,
I am turning into a bedside lamp.

Hours later, driving home, body drained;
bottom sore from extreme sitting,
a mad impossible dream.

I want to go back
and beat the warthog over his head
with my 60 watt brain
until he promises never, ever
to speak to me again.