A Quiet Place

[Sharon Leigh]

The revision definitely reading smoother!

[Marc Gilbert]

Thanks much.

[Tracy Mitchell]

I like the revision.  You do so well with metered verse, this is no exception.  

[mfwilkie]

Revised

It reads a bit stiff, controlled by too many I's and my's, for my ear, Marc. And I think it needs a 5th stanza to bring it to a close.
In the 3rd stanza, a better word choice than occupied to show the peace N was looking for shattered by the puzzle. I suggest tantalize
(torment or tease), and mollify(to appease someone's anxiety) in the 2nd stanza for pacify.

Some suggested edits. Feel free to can what doesn't work for you.  

I love meter and rhyme and it was a pleasure having the opportunity to review your draft, Marc.            Maggie

I sought a spot, some unmanned space—
designed or not by chance or grace— * This reads like an aside. I think m-dashes here separate N's thinking and help pace the read.
to rest my feet and slow the pace
of my/an ever-racing mind.                     ** The line could use an extra beat.

I chanced upon a grove, untended,
its natural beauty unamended,
a quiet the perfectplace, just as intended,
to pacifymy mollify a mind.    *** The grove was there before N arrived, and I'm thinking N shouldn't personalize it in this stanza.

My eyes fell first upon a wren;
I knew not whether cock or hen.
a question no, a And this became a puzzle then
to occupy which occupied tantalized my mind.  

I rifled through my bird-recollections.
my thoughts flew swiftly in succession Wild thoughts flew off in all directions!
in With no control of their progressions,
I'm quite sure I’ve I'd lost my mind.  ****Past tense, here I think.

[Marc Gilbert]

Wow, Maggie,

Thank you for the thoughtful read and useful feedback.

[Tim J Brennan]

Original

I sought a spot, some unmanned space
designed or not by chance or grace
to rest my feet and slow the pace
of my racing mind.

I chanced upon a grove, untended
its natural beauty unamended
no other things that other men did
to populate my mind.

My eyes fell first upon a wren
I knew not whether cock or hen
a question no, a puzzle then
to occupy my mind.

I ravaged through my recollection
my thoughts flew swiftly in succession
in no control of their progression --
I think I’ve lost my mind.

Revised

I sought a spot, some unmanned space
designed or not by chance or grace
to rest my feet and slow the pace
of my racing mind.

I chanced upon a grove, untended
its natural beauty unamended
a quiet place just as intended
to pacify my mind.

My eyes fell first upon a wren
I knew not whether cock or hen
a question no, a puzzle then
to occupy my mind.

I rifled through my recollection
my thoughts flew swiftly in succession
in no control of their progression --
I think I’ve lost my mind.

(maybe ?) 

Not much to say about the rhyme but I do like word choice on the off line verbs (e.g. sought, chanced, fell, & rifled).  Those are the images that move the poem for me.  

I like it.   

[Marc Gilbert]

Thanks, Tim and Maggie. Much appreciated.

[Mark]

The revision rocks, Marcus. Great flow of sound and rhythm in this piece.

[Marc Gilbert]

Thanks, Man.