Hurricane

[Sharon Leigh]

.




We are precarious, love. We are
wind weary, blasted,
spot-welded on the quick.
I hear deep groanings
where the alloy of us
bends like foil, pressures
like the weight of the Pacific

hard against our shoulders.
Yesterday already shows
in the new eleven between
your brows. If I could

I'd manipulate the early
April weather: seed cirrus,
nimbus pregnant, full
with dust and promise; bring
you tempest, crest and trough.
Bring swirling change, enough

to pull rust wrecks from silted
graves, throw their coral memory
spiraling toward the sun.





.

[Marc Gilbert]

Beautiful poem. This would be a favorite if I found it in an anthology.

There are too many great lines and they are so skillfully woven into the whole that to pull any out would feel almost dirty. I love the "new eleven" in S2 so much said with two words.

The way the poem builds like its theme strikes me almost as much as the language. I can't do it justice. There is N's prestorm narrative to start, regretful, reserved, delivered almost quietly but with a solid certainty of the forecast.

The midsection, almost the eye is reflective.The hard stop open of S2 on "hard" is beyond effective, but the line and the stanza continue. Like an islander clinging to a tree trunk, waiting for the wind.

The pace quickens in S3 and you introduce "swirling" which is echoed in the much faster lines of the final stanza where we also meet "spiraling".

What strikes me most is not the building violence of the storm, but of your narrator's resistance to it. This is truely one of the best poems I've read in a long time.

Thank you so much.

If I have a nit, and god, it's tiny, it'd be the enjambment of the opening line. I llke the repeat of "we are" although the poem would work as well without it. Id keep it bu maybe let line 1 hard stop on "love" and stack the "We are"s moving the second to line 2.

I can't express how much I love this poem. I keep a little list of favorites and it just got a new addition.

[Sharon Leigh]

Marc, thank you so much. I'm humbled, and just so glad the poem works, its gone through quite a few changes through the years until I arrived at this version, where its stayed now for a while. It's one of those I'd take out and play with, then put back and let sit.

I always love your careful eye, and here no different. The "we are" enjambment in L1 the exact spot that's been giving me fits! I was literally playing w that again before submitting. I had it this way as is above, then tried it on L2, even tried it as its own small L, tried shuffling the whole S. Tried removing it altogether. Each one seemed wrong, and I've looked at this poem now for years. Moving it changes L2, I like opening with wind-weary. But I really like L1 standing alone, w the hard stop. Maybe removing altogether and using a colon or comma after love? Oh agh I don't know. I'll keep messing with it there. Also not in love w the title, that has changed quite a few times too, and I still don't think it's there yet.

Thanks again very much for your careful read, and your kind words for the poem!

Best,
Sharon

[indar]

This is the way I would write poetry if I could.

I don't understand it--I know lots of words.

[Catherine]

This is the way I would write poetry if I could.

I don't understand it--I know lots of words.

Same here : breathtaking poem.

[Sharon Leigh]

Thank you so much, indar, and Catherine!

[Mark]

Superbly crafted. As good as anything I've read anywhere. I love the way the poem progresses so liltingly effortlessly - it's really good!

Just a thought on the opening if you are looking there:

Love, we are precarious,
wind weary, blasted,
spot-welded to the quick.

 

[Tracy Mitchell]

A swirling, spiraling, beautiful narrative.  I add my cheers and admiration.
The first three lines are incredible, hit like a hurricane, and echo through the rest of the poem.  
The closing three lines are equally powerful, magnificent.

I think you have the opening line perfect.  One can visualize it in an index of first lines.  
It reads like an affirmation standing alone, grabs the reader, sets the tone, and feels like that short pause on the end of the diving board.  

Wonderful writing.

T




 

[Dave]

As one other comment pointed out this is the kind of poem toengender envy or in a book of poems be the one a reader would mark and return too often and quietly to find the beauty of life and the human ability to capture it in words. This is easily one of the best things you have posted among many excellent poems.
dave
 

[Sharon Leigh]

Mark, thanks so very much, and for the suggestion! Still thinking on it there, so I appreciate the help.

Tracy, thanks a bunch, and it's a relief to know it hopefully works, L1 I mean. I'm still considering. I appreciate your looking in and your kind words for the poem! Much appreciated

Dave, thank you so much. It's very encouraging to know the piece works! Thanks so much for reading me, and for your kind words. Much appreciated!

Best to all,
Sharon