The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Mark wrote: ↑

Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:02 pm

Welcome NM Oliver. Anticipating your work. 

Hi Mark.
Thanks, looking forward to the feedback.

Hi Oliver, In L1 should 'this' be 'that'. It would be correct if the N was narrating it from the actual room. In S2 the 'Heaney' reference suggests the ten year old was familiar with him?  Two small crits on a very engaging poem. S1 brought me back to my primary school years, and the 'weapons' of c...

Tim J Brennan wrote: ↑

Sat Sep 01, 2018 3:46 pm

Hi, NM,

Welcome

Thank you Tim J Brennan!

Hi NM,   Glad you made it here.  :)  I hope find something useful here for your writing.   Ask if there are things we can do to help.   I look forward to reading some of your work when you are ready. Welcome. T Thank you Tracey, I appreciate your welcome. I'll have plenty to ask from the functional...

Hi Colm
Interesting piece with strong metaphors.
Each stanza sends the same message in a different way and I feel it would benefit from a stanza that diverts or brings in the person somehow.
I enjoyed reading this a few times. I like the idea of the layering in the final S.

Hi Indar
I enjoyed this scene very much.
You set it up perfectly with the saunter and sticking the knife into the butter.
I could feel the trouble making starting immediately.
Wouldn't change a thing for me.

Hello Ike
I kind of liked the ending but the rest of it i found difficult to understand.
The colours in the first stanza did not have any relevance for me.
I can see in the thread a lot of this has been covered but thought id speak up all the same.

Gyppo
I found this really interesting and also reassuring especially the comb and polish approach, makes total sense.

Just saying hi!
I'm a fairly new writer, less than a year. I'm from Ireland but been living in London for the last decade. I enjoy writing and reading poetry immensely. I've come here to learn and hopefully improve, whilst enjoying others work along the way.