The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Matty, love the word choices and sonics here. A musical treat! Thanks! I could murder a cuppa       hangover?  mutters a knitting voice, her claws purling patterns   the Fair Isle way.                 love the knitting metaphor. Assume purling is the verb, had to read it a couple of times in the...

Hi Deb, Lots going on here! Anger over bad behavior is a great place to start a poem, or to use a poem to defuse the feelings, to be sure! As an overall impression, I agree that, as this poem stays in generalities and suggestions of specifics, it gets into cliche territory. Also, although end rhyme ...

[font]~[/font] [font]Hi Tracy. I really like this. It's got great things going on. Here are some thoughts for a future draft, if they're helpful. No attachments!--Wren       [/font] Better Than This [font]Monty Hall famously asked,[/font] [font]would you like to switch doors?[/font] [font]And that’...

Very nice portrait. The details are well chosen. Thanks!

Restless  Sometimes it's just a scent on the breeze, or warm tendrils of summer wind reaching through midnight's cool. The sharp tang of petrol, the rasp of a raised boot against a kickstart. Or the soft slow creak of harness, settling against a wooden peg,  whispering "Don't forget me." The call c...

Dave wrote: ↑

Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:42 am

My favorites:

you long since lost a taste for this nonsense.                      A tell but it carries so much truth!

There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.               So [font]relatable[/font] as so many of us carry griefs we do not speak.

 

Revision chair left out -side the back door where Dad sat and kept an eye on footie-mad us and his beloved roses   I have to admit I just read an interview in which an editors were describing enjambment in the middle of a word, as you have in "outside" as something they dislike. Not sure, maybe her...

Interesting study in entitlement and its effect on others. I lived in a community where a particular member would always scoop from the middle of the stick of butter. Since I like measuring with the printed marks on the wrapper for recipes, that practice annoyed me to no end. The first time I read t...

He cancelled the flowers, lilies her favourites they'll be bought...or not  either way they'll demand, and receive, attention remove oxygen as their chemicals flood light headed reactions.   Hi Colm, Impressive economy and craft here. I think you can do without the commas in L5. I read that line as...

Neanderthals' gaze is gracefully diverted upward.           Okay, scene set. Maybe avoid passive voice? Facets of piety sweep the onlookers,   I think "sweep them" could do for onlookers, unless other than Neanders In a spectral tango, void of purpose,       always like a dance reference Apollo dro...