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by Dave
Mon Mar 27, 2023 6:25 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Then and Now
Replies: 2
Views: 3133

Re: Then and Now

Hey Gyppo

While I enjoyed the sentiments of this and am of course familiar with your prose style, I think this could cut much of the unnecessary filler, for example:

Eighteen and indestructible, 
all the time in the world,
infinite possibilities.
by Dave
Thu Mar 16, 2023 11:00 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: embark
Replies: 1
Views: 810

embark

embark to ports of words sold by children, boats list in morning murmur, light devoid of depth recedes to distant; no matter, mere hunger, senses loud, a gull’s cry settles in dust new born: one new step in worlds at home with themselves, out of joint with knowing. Cleaved from fetal sleep on board,...
by Dave
Wed Mar 15, 2023 1:31 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Knob-Handled Pot
Replies: 4
Views: 1307

Re: Knob-Handled Pot

Hey  A different subject. I found some imaging could do with more precision and some was interesting. Firstly, that pot was seated is an odd word choice.  I am not surre the mixed metaphor/simile of tentacles and Rapunzel's hair work well here. Tentacles do not have the same texture or form of locks...
by Dave
Wed Mar 15, 2023 1:08 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Spring is lurking...
Replies: 1
Views: 780

Re: Spring is lurking...

Sweet poeming Gyppo and the second one made me laugh as you knew it would
by Dave
Mon Mar 13, 2023 7:36 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: improvised
Replies: 1
Views: 771

improvised

Improvised

snow bends the light into rainbows
until this fledgling year takes shape
on branches flush with buds.
Fresh faced squirrals dig memories
from hollows and building begins
among the cupped arms. Breath
hangs still on crystals but not for long.
 
by Dave
Fri Feb 24, 2023 5:39 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Motive
Replies: 6
Views: 1356

Re: Motive

Hey Mark While this is typical neat writing, the poems leave me feeling a bit vacant of substance. My reaction to the first was rather  yes, even if true, so? How should I relate to this? Who can I envisage when I try to apply it to real life. In any case conspiracy as such is clearly not a crime. O...
by Dave
Thu Feb 16, 2023 8:48 am
Forum: The Commons
Topic: Risk
Replies: 2
Views: 6008

Re: Risk

Love it and given her history its sexual oveertones/undertones/tones
by Dave
Thu Feb 16, 2023 8:46 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Winter Comfort
Replies: 7
Views: 2045

Re: Winter Comfort

Great to have you back Indar. I liked most of this. I am agnostic when it comes to words like yum in poems and think Tracy has suggested some good changes to line breaks. I do wonder that the curtains need to be closed. Seems quite alien to the world i live in. But there it is.
by Dave
Sun Feb 05, 2023 11:31 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stuffing
Replies: 6
Views: 1520

Re: stuffing

Hey Mark To simplfy communication I will tahnk you here for all the comments. As to continuing to post here, it is because this is my portic home and I like the people I ahev encountered here, not to mention the poetry. I have tried other sites but none of them appealed to me. I ahve not been writin...
by Dave
Tue Jan 31, 2023 9:40 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: cradle
Replies: 2
Views: 832

cradle

cradle

folded in damp cloth,
in the crook of river's elbow
the found cry, its shrill

vowel pulls apart reeds,
peels history from death

baby curl your own
lone need, your prayer
and birth a nation
as each baby does.