The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Marc I like dthis but there is a slight discord in the shunning of the sun and ploughing dry (sunny) fields. I presume you means shun lazing in the sun as a metaphor for resting on your laurels and relaxing. Making your bed in winter under naked branches sounds cold but can't really mean death if...

Hi It's easy to see what you are getting at but I found the lack of joined up writing wearing after a short while.
Dave
 

Questions and thoughts: who is/was the modern American male? has he disappeared or is he disappearing? what comes next? L2 small part of what - the sex? Does this not contradict line 1 since not having much sex is not the same as having only a smaller role in it. Is this disparging to women who trad...

I like this a lot but version 1 is vastly superior to verson 2
Dave
 

Hi Matty
I like the revision. Still would prefer another title. Poor old Africa doomed to be a continent without countries.
Dave
 

Hi Sharon The subject is great and some of the execution excellent but I wonder if it couldn't be tightened or if the sequence could be fiddled with. For example, I would drop the first four words since they kind of stall the beginning, intruding in on the flow. All these rows of cast-off memories, ...

Hi Marc
Fun thoughts in the poem. A fiddle, just for the sake of it.

I,
a brick to be used or not before I crumble,

said “good morning” to the sun
sat there indifferent to earth and hour

and mused for a time 
below its dry careless gaze

to ignore or abuse as you wish

Thannks Matty and Marc. the Islandic phrases are in the music.
Dave
 

Hi Tim I enjoyed the idea of the poem overall but there is quite a lot of filler IMO. It seems to be there to give the poem some sense of naturalism and to allow it to grow into its insight. Yet, it for my taste, it directs the reader as to what he/she should think. It tells too much before the 'sto...

Hey. My first concern with this is not poeti as such but the dud title. A bit like going to oxfodd and calling the poem europe. A stronger sense of where exactly the events take place would serve the poem better imo. Aside from that it is a little cliched with the lions and flamingoes and oh dear do...