The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Colm If this was mine I would cut line 1 as I find it distracts and I don't think is as strong as line 2. I would cut stanza 2 completely as I found it slow and awkward and actually the rest says it all better and more succinctly (or at leats I think it does since it explains whatever it wants to...

Hi I like this a lot on the whole. It has some lovely lines and great images. I found myself distracted by the whole sunset thing as I had to try and picture how the two people were stabnding in relation to the horizon and also asked myself why it was relevant to the story of the hands except as a m...

Indar I enjoyed this and or but see 3 distinct poems weaved into 1: The first part details the efforts people from Nebraska make to escape their daily grind. Their lives are modest and show some elements of collective empathy. They save their money and I presume look after each other's cats and coll...

Hi indar
Thanks for the comments. My fault with the long first line is actually just the title again but i did not space properly.
Dave

full fat-shaming
reduced fat shaming
low fat shaming
fat free shaming
going through the motions
of hate

Hi Tim Different to your other poems. Personally I would need something more than all those undefined pronouns. I quickly lost interest in trying to establish the 'it' of the title, the 'you' some  folk called 'they' and a she at the end. This is the stanza I enjoyed most and could relate to visuall...

I really enjoyed this Indar - very sensory and homely.
dave
 

There are some interesting word choices as pointed out and then some flow stoppers than by contrast flop on the page. In stanzas 1 and 2 I am trouble with a couple of things: I would drop brine-dripping as a piece of poetic over-write; indeed too artless.  Secondly, their in their calls from S2 line...

Hi Indar I am sorry I would like to like the poem more. Yet as mysterious as the poem would like her case to be, the question - repeated 3 times - robs the poem of any mystery. Why should this question have any much import today so many years later? The answer is most likely, if she had not climbed ...

I am going to sound rude i guess but the sheer arrogance and inanity of a statement like waltz is one of the few places where men now lead is breathtaking