The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Meet Joe Black. I love that film. Haven't seen the original one, I'll have to check it out.
Glad you liked another one of my death/dying poems 

Hi Phil,
Thanks for your comments and like.
And you're right of course, it is about something darker.
 

It circles above me, sometimes blurred shadows drop closer defining themselves in curt, crisp introductions, still too far to swat, but the handshake is coming. My obliging body's attraction lifts me, piece by broken piece to its negative, thunderbolts on the horizon, just reminders of a change in t...

Either way, I still like it very (your fav word) much 

  I don't mind dropping "yet" but the poem reads "midnight IS LIKE a secret half revealed" which implies it is something else. Similar, but different. It's almost like saying, "...let me tell it to you this way, so you might understand it better."    OK, that makes sense. But it could be written th...

You could drive yourself mad editing poems. I always find it easier editing other people's  :) Here's another (and there are literally millions of ways to edit) way of doing it. I've found the easiest way to edit a poem is to recite it to an audience. I have on occasion done this with treasured poem...

In such a 'short' poem every word counts.
And the more I read it the more I'm convinced 'yet' should be removed.
If midnight is a secret half revealed (I assume that's the meaning of 'midnight'), the 2nd S supports this...but 'yet' seems
to contradict the support?
 

The original (which I listened to on YouTube) was less pessimistic than yours. (And thanks for the link) It's an interesting progression, albeit a more depressing one.  Who knows, maybe with Brexit you'll rediscover that green and pleasant land...sadly, I have my doubts. A well written adaptation Da...

Sorry M, still prefer the original. 

Love what you're doing here AT. A few suggestions below. With a little work it'll be seriously good. Why do I feel a closeness to the creatures              I'd remove the question...we don't know why! that scurry between crevices when you turn the light on ? No longer flinch at the sight of one. Th...