The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

This is fun, and I like it, but I actually think the meter needs some work. I hit quite a few jags and stumbles that detracted from the light, easy style. It may be that you have different inflexion in your speaking than I do. But on reading aloud, there were quite a few spots where I wanted to smoo...

I love that ending.

I keep going over the beginning, trying to see how / if the details tie into the end. Overall, it works for me. The purple betel- nut teeth though... is that just a detail, or is there a deeper significance?

Nice writing, I've come back to this one a few times now.

I see what you mean about the neatness, Dave. But for me it is far outweighed by the realness. This character is real enough for me to empathise with her, which doesn't happen that often in poems (Maugham has the same effect for me in prose. For all the formality of his writing, I am able to empathi...

I love love love your poems - I think this might be my favourite of all the ones I've read so far.

No nits with this, except the title (not mad keen on it, seems sterile compared to the intimacy of the poem itself). But I have no suggestions for alternatives.

thanks Tracy, Mark, Indar. Thanks Linda, I think you were on the same wavelength as me. Probably also subconsciously (though not evidenced in this poem particularly), I was thinking about the fluidity of childhood. He couldn't speak English, and though it was confusing at first (particularly when ta...

Thanks Dave and Tim :) I seem to be struggling to do anything that isn't work-related at the moment (too much work, not likely to change any time soon), so it's nice to be able to find a few moments to write a few lines or read what you all have written - hopefully I will find some time shortly to i...

Thanks Tim. I agree that it probably needs to be less "prosey" - and probably by more visceral engagement. That said, I'm reasonably happy with S1 (which is also prosey). S2 needs more work. Substituting "when" for "where" won't work here (at least for me). No one else has ever spoken Armenian, take...

As ever, nice rhythm / cadence in your writing. This seems to me to be presenting the confusion of someone nearing the end of their life. It reminds me a little of a delirium I had once when I was very ill, and I was never sure when I was dreaming or awake. The flashing between heavy boughs seems to...

Thanks Matty

I feel like S2 is a little abstract, but I thought I'd start putting some things out there to see if feedback jogs anything

I haven't written anything for a very long time. Here's me dipping my toe back in the water, from a quick sketch: Listen My dad was born in New York but never spoke English. Not until he was five not until kindergarten, where no one else spoke Armenian. I wish we could really speak but I'm not quite...