The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Let me know if the revision works betta

Thanks, Sharon, I definitely do not always know whats best. I do always have a purpose, unless, like the title and the misplaced comma, I just screwed up. That does not mean that purpose was achieved, or if it's a good idea. The feedback is extremely valuable and desired. Always. Marc PS: "the other...

Thanks, Sharon, The "other things" line was a pain, not surprised it shows. Not sure here. I like the strong cesura lent by "that" and the repeat of "other"s. I'll have to work on this one. Punctuation and I do not get along. I'll move the one by the "no". Thanks. I intentionally left punctuation of...

The lagoon blocked seaside: east-end waterfalls are lost to flood baffle slabs. The waterfowl are doomed. I think it sounds better and a bit more punchy. The preceding lines make the explicit mention of a specific body of water unnecessary. Hope that helps clarify the comment. As to it value, that'...

I know how much everyone loves rhyme and repetition so I thought I'd cram in as much as I could

Hi there forgive the tinker, easiest way to express my thought on the itty bits. I enjoy the poem as a whole greatly. It paints a vivid and relatable sense of encroachment. Love the last stanza. so here's the little tweaks: Condos emerge like mushrooms at the bottom of the canyon. All day constructi...

Thanks, Mark,

Leave it to misspell the f'n title. Not a fan of the title, or titles in general, anyway.

Original I sought a spot, some unmanned space designed or not by chance or grace to rest my feet and slow the pace of my racing mind. I chanced upon a grove, untended its natural beauty unamended no other things that other men did to populate my mind. My eyes fell first upon a wren I knew not whethe...

I keep rereading this not knowing what it is that bothers me. At last I have identified it--its the use of the word "we". It would read so much better to me if the poem were written in first person singular. I, for instance, have never counted breaths or tears. I understand that you don't mean the ...

Thanks Mark,

Love getting your take. This one needs to stew. It’s the first new one in a while and for that alone I’m happy.