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by ajduclos
Sat Mar 07, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: My God
Replies: 12
Views: 15321

Re: My God

Thanks Aj. 'We consumed', is about our entire past history... it's what we've always done. Present tense 'swallow', was intentional; it's a quick/easy way of saying that we are still doing it... without having to use too many words :) I saw that as a possibility of what you were saying, but without...
by ajduclos
Fri Mar 06, 2020 5:09 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps, revisited
Replies: 8
Views: 9003

Re: Steps, revisited

Colm, thanks again.  Yes, my brain works in rhymes and rhythms... heck, sometimes when I'm out walking I even find myself counting steps ( don't tell the men in the white coats !!!).  But I have written free form and will again, good to practice and exercise the brain.  At least my prose is not fill...
by ajduclos
Fri Mar 06, 2020 5:00 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: My God
Replies: 12
Views: 15321

Re: My God

I like this, Colm.  Nice lead-in to the meat re the first two stanzas - disagree (Linda) that the first two stanzas are throat clearing, but rather table setting. We, as a supposed sapient race, have for thousands of years created our gods in our "image and likeness."   Agree with Tim, tense in S4 -...
by ajduclos
Tue Mar 03, 2020 6:42 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stillness after massacre
Replies: 11
Views: 11340

Re: stillness after massacre

Powerful photos, Dave.  And your poem "Stillness After The Massacre" does the photos, and all that your sparse words address, justice.  If only there could be justice for the people...............

Aj 
by ajduclos
Tue Mar 03, 2020 12:37 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps, revisited
Replies: 8
Views: 9003

Re: Steps, revisited

Hey Colm - 

P.S.   At least this write is not "wordy" and "telling" - so there's some hope here, eh what?  :lol:

P.S.S.   Yes, it has structure... but I'm starting to suspect that some of the folk here on TB could use a little structure  :lol: ;)

Aj
by ajduclos
Tue Mar 03, 2020 12:16 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps, revisited
Replies: 8
Views: 9003

Re: Steps, revisited

Hi Colm !!! I'd hoped you'd chime in.  This was an attempt at a poetic from called "Modern Ballad", to which I naturally added a songwriter's favorite weapon of a "bridge'... so, you are quite correct, lyrics.  And if you must know, the music is already written  :) I was inviting the reader into a s...
by ajduclos
Tue Mar 03, 2020 12:51 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*
Replies: 6
Views: 6836

Re: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*

That is wonderful, Tim.  Love the life progression... marrying the rain, into mother earth.............

a whole lifetime in a few words.

Aj
by ajduclos
Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:35 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps, revisited
Replies: 8
Views: 9003

Steps, revisited

Heavy Steps    You can see it in her steps, in her pace, her shoulder's dip you can see it in her face, in her eyes, the line of her lip  It is there in every breath, in that hitch, that heavy sigh it is there in every pause, in that glance, that wordless why   You can see it over there, in her way...
by ajduclos
Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:03 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: When we first met (Toby) // When Toby and I First Met
Replies: 2
Views: 8681

Re: When we first met (Toby) // When Toby and I First Met

Hi poet-e.

I like this, a warm tale in prose-poetry format.  Really sweet, paints a great scene... especially those kisses !!!!

Aj
by ajduclos
Sat Feb 29, 2020 1:27 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stillness after massacre
Replies: 11
Views: 11340

Re: stillness after massacre

Dave -
Like others, I have not seen the original.  But I'm taken with the sparseness that says so very very much, leads the reader to so much more.

Aj