The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Thank you for the further feedback. 'Would' is of course meant to be 'world', I wasn't as precise in my editing as I thought. Having recently submitted to a competition, I noticed a missing comma afterwards, but these are lessons. I've decided to finish on line 18 (our world I've never forgot') as I...

I liked the "larking in the park" rhyme, it's quite casual, not jolting the reader at all. I feel that whether it's easy is neither here, nor there. Though a cliché for me to say, but it is rather that it's true to the poem. Either way, it works nicely. I really enjoyed my reads, as Dave said, it is...

I think you really capture and personalized the attitude that cats can have. That view is commonplace, but you show it in a simple and fresh way, that underlines a deeper meaning. On the face of it, you and the cat very different, however, you both understand the "unspoken boundaries" between yourse...

Thank you for taking time to read and give feedback. In terms of themes, the reason you can't see one, is because I wasn't thinking of one. You are right in that it is significant to me, but I need to give more to the reader. I will try to rectify this by deleting what I agree are the more cliched l...

The supervised girl practicing kindness was the way you said my name.  My back cracks into a spinster's tennis serve, waves of immolation flay my dizzying skin. One picture and the cloud looms over, for the curls you ruffled are soaked in rain, glasses stained, in everything that used to be. All we ...

Hi guys, Thank you for taking the time to read this. With what you both said, and strange as it sounds I've never thought about the reader, (writing that seems absurd), as I have only ever written for me. After going over it again I completely agree with the "if it doesn't communicate, what's the po...

The hills are no joke, You will be. Fossilized sweat trails the ladder, daunting and precipitous. Kiss of cobbles, Cribbs & Chain below. Lusting streets rocked by sea and cider, men, goading the light, cheer in dead chords. The silent harbour, cured with pastel brick, ships that bleed on the shore *...

Hi everyone,

Name is Dale, been writing a little while
but with noone to critique it, rip it apart and crush it under their boot.

Just hoping for some feedback and to develop my stuff.

Thanks!.