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by Dave
Fri Feb 09, 2024 1:17 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Heard From a Porch
Replies: 2
Views: 196

Re: Heard From a Porch

I enjoyed this bery much. Nothing like the sound of trains in he distance as even Paul Simon knew. Nice juxtaposition of ideas in God and revolution
by Dave
Sat Feb 03, 2024 2:58 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Naming of the parts (Ukulele version.)
Replies: 3
Views: 777

Re: Naming of the parts (Ukulele version.)

Hey Gyppo.
I very much enjoyed the poem. The title has echoes of a poem by Reed also called the Naming of the Parts, though that one is about military parts and less gentle and humane than this poem. It brought a condsiderable smile to my day.
by Dave
Tue Jan 16, 2024 12:50 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Aunt Lucille
Replies: 6
Views: 1916

Re: Aunt Lucille

A very  moving, very sad and very human poem of bravery fear and some kind hope and redemtive spirit. Thanks Indar
by Dave
Thu Jan 11, 2024 11:21 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: What If (Revised)
Replies: 4
Views: 1079

Re: What If

A small  nit is the lack of question mark at the end of the first stanza, though I would suggest a question mark after moments followed by a new sentence as the punctuation does not quite work for me there. While the premise of the poem is interesting, for my taste and it is my taste, there are too ...
by Dave
Wed Jan 03, 2024 1:12 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Leaf Blowing Alternatives---Revised
Replies: 5
Views: 4050

Re: Leaf Blowing Alternatives

I can understand your argument but the new metaphor robs the original idea of its value. What actually is the nature of that shine as pertaining to leaves. Butterflies have another quality of their own. So, yes give it a go.  Glad the feedback helps. I am enjoying your poetry and we need willing and...
by Dave
Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:42 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Leaf Blowing Alternatives---Revised
Replies: 5
Views: 4050

Re: Leaf Blowing Alternatives

I would drop the last line if the poem were mine as the leaves are more beautiful if not butterflies but leaves
by Dave
Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:17 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: To be Blind, or, All-Knowing
Replies: 4
Views: 4252

Re: To be Blind, or, All-Knowing

Hey  Mark has some very useful comments, which I would take to heart. I enjoy the way you experiemtn and try to stretch yourself with words and images. This as your other poems work best for me when the language is simpler and more direct and less inclined towards poetry and trying to show the magic...
by Dave
Sat Dec 09, 2023 11:20 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Weather
Replies: 7
Views: 7154

Re: Weather

Thanks Mark. Excellent edit
by Dave
Fri Dec 08, 2023 2:05 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The Sunbirds
Replies: 3
Views: 4749

Re: The Sunbirds

Great advice from Colm. Sometimes the language tends to the flowery and overpowers the images and message. Having said that soemtimes the message becomes a little telly especially in the middle passage: each shade a dreamscape of what our own humanity might become. This is a common human conceit and...
by Dave
Sun Dec 03, 2023 5:25 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Untold
Replies: 2
Views: 3680

Re: Untold

This is both a powerful and interetsing peom Mark, very different to your usual poem. While the imagery is strong - easiyl imagined, I did wonder whether there was a way around using so many modifiers. Some are intense and original as in dead machinery and liquid rust others are less so - tall fores...