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- Fri Feb 09, 2024 1:17 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Heard From a Porch
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1085
Re: Heard From a Porch
I enjoyed this bery much. Nothing like the sound of trains in he distance as even Paul Simon knew. Nice juxtaposition of ideas in God and revolution
- Sat Feb 03, 2024 2:58 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Naming of the parts (Ukulele version.)
- Replies: 3
- Views: 2175
Re: Naming of the parts (Ukulele version.)
Hey Gyppo.
I very much enjoyed the poem. The title has echoes of a poem by Reed also called the Naming of the Parts, though that one is about military parts and less gentle and humane than this poem. It brought a condsiderable smile to my day.
I very much enjoyed the poem. The title has echoes of a poem by Reed also called the Naming of the Parts, though that one is about military parts and less gentle and humane than this poem. It brought a condsiderable smile to my day.
- Tue Jan 16, 2024 12:50 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Aunt Lucille
- Replies: 6
- Views: 4825
Re: Aunt Lucille
A very moving, very sad and very human poem of bravery fear and some kind hope and redemtive spirit. Thanks Indar
- Thu Jan 11, 2024 11:21 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: What If (Revised)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2424
Re: What If
A small nit is the lack of question mark at the end of the first stanza, though I would suggest a question mark after moments followed by a new sentence as the punctuation does not quite work for me there. While the premise of the poem is interesting, for my taste and it is my taste, there are too ...
- Wed Jan 03, 2024 1:12 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Leaf Blowing Alternatives---Revised
- Replies: 5
- Views: 5294
Re: Leaf Blowing Alternatives
I can understand your argument but the new metaphor robs the original idea of its value. What actually is the nature of that shine as pertaining to leaves. Butterflies have another quality of their own. So, yes give it a go. Glad the feedback helps. I am enjoying your poetry and we need willing and...
- Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:42 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Leaf Blowing Alternatives---Revised
- Replies: 5
- Views: 5294
Re: Leaf Blowing Alternatives
I would drop the last line if the poem were mine as the leaves are more beautiful if not butterflies but leaves
- Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:17 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: To be Blind, or, All-Knowing
- Replies: 4
- Views: 5516
Re: To be Blind, or, All-Knowing
Hey Mark has some very useful comments, which I would take to heart. I enjoy the way you experiemtn and try to stretch yourself with words and images. This as your other poems work best for me when the language is simpler and more direct and less inclined towards poetry and trying to show the magic...
- Sat Dec 09, 2023 11:20 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Weather
- Replies: 7
- Views: 8456
Re: Weather
Thanks Mark. Excellent edit
- Fri Dec 08, 2023 2:05 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: The Sunbirds
- Replies: 3
- Views: 5812
Re: The Sunbirds
Great advice from Colm. Sometimes the language tends to the flowery and overpowers the images and message. Having said that soemtimes the message becomes a little telly especially in the middle passage: each shade a dreamscape of what our own humanity might become. This is a common human conceit and...
- Sun Dec 03, 2023 5:25 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Untold
- Replies: 2
- Views: 4596
Re: Untold
This is both a powerful and interetsing peom Mark, very different to your usual poem. While the imagery is strong - easiyl imagined, I did wonder whether there was a way around using so many modifiers. Some are intense and original as in dead machinery and liquid rust others are less so - tall fores...