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by Marc Gilbert
Mon Jan 14, 2019 7:48 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: a flock of breaths 1&2
Replies: 15
Views: 1643

Re: a flock of breaths 1&2

I love this one, Dave. There is so much packed in here and at no point does it feel contrived or appear to be trying to hard. The "root ourselves" line, short and simple as it may be, speaks so much. Minor nits, suggest: A flurry of images flee s from view, dreams are as fleeting... That's it, and I...
by Marc Gilbert
Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:36 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Broken Wheels. By Brian Humeniuk alias Granda
Replies: 12
Views: 1409

Re: Broken Wheels. By Brian Humeniuk alias Granda

Lovely poem. Just a pleasant read all the way around. Knowing what inspired it is icing on the cake. Congratulations, Gramps!
by Marc Gilbert
Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:33 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Bongg! (experiment in sound and images)
Replies: 7
Views: 915

Re: Bongg! (experiment in sound and images)

Sorry, Bri, not one for me.

The content is cool, but the structure is kind of all over the place. I don't understand the line breaks or the placement of rhymes. 

 
by Marc Gilbert
Mon Jan 07, 2019 2:11 pm
Forum: Introduce Yourself Here
Topic: Hello.
Replies: 10
Views: 2539

Re: Hello.

Hello Bri,

Glad you found us. hope all has been well.

Marc
by Marc Gilbert
Sun Jan 06, 2019 11:20 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Positions
Replies: 13
Views: 1475

Re: Positions

To the left a bible             fiction my right arm considers a masturbation--------------- fact a wasting of            s    e     e      d      s a moisture of confusion, a reduction a rethink.  to the right a new book, blank with innocence a waiting of words that don't hurt or revelations in th...
by Marc Gilbert
Sat Jan 05, 2019 7:36 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Positions
Replies: 13
Views: 1475

Re: Positions

To the left a bible             fiction my right arm considers a masturbation--------------- fact a wasting of            s    e     e      d      s a moisture of confusion, a reduction a rethink.  to the right a new book, blank with innocence a waiting of words that don't hurt or revelations in th...
by Marc Gilbert
Tue Jan 01, 2019 4:40 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Chronicles
Replies: 23
Views: 2353

Re: Chronicles

Enjoy this one a lot. No nits. I wonder if the Line "younger" adds anything, but it doesn't hurt. Great read.
by Marc Gilbert
Tue Jan 01, 2019 2:11 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Point Blank
Replies: 1
Views: 381

Point Blank

Short time for long words—
bullets scream articulate,
painting naive walls
red with meaning.

No interpretation needed,
no conversation—
this a declaration
despite a loud rebuke of tears.
by Marc Gilbert
Mon Dec 31, 2018 3:45 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Fear is a Fruit
Replies: 13
Views: 1468

Re: Fear is a Fruit

I like this poem. I try when reading a poem not to decide whether I agree or disagree with what it says. I'm much more interested in if it's effective at saying it. This to me seems like an exercise in a form. It's not one I'm familiar with, perhaps it is your own. In any event, if it is an experime...
by Marc Gilbert
Sun Dec 30, 2018 2:40 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Travel of little Mary
Replies: 4
Views: 633

Re: Travel of little Mary

I really like the idea of this poem. I would consider the current version a draft and keep at it. A few thoughts: Lines 3 & 4: A black-carpet  road welcomes, -> the explicit naming of the road as such dilutes the metaphor. Consider consolidating the thoughts/images of the trees. I love the marching,...